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All The Things You Love That I Hate

14 Jul

This is going to be the most controversial post I ever write. I may even lose readers (and there’s only 6, so that’s rough). A few years ago when my husband and I were at his college reunion, a large group of us went out to breakfast after a long night of drinking (and by drinking, I mean I had water because I was pregnant, but everyone else had a hell of a time drinking non-water drinks). At one point, one of the girls said we should go around the table and each say something that we think is overrated, but is beloved by everyone else. Everyone’s answers were pretty tame, like the Beatles and Arrested Development. When it got to me, I said the first thing that popped into my mind, which was the movie The Princess Bride. You would think that I had just run over a small puppy and was wearing it as a hat – that is how disappointed everyone looked. I quickly tried to move the conversation on, and a couple people later was my friend Amy, who was also the wife of one of the college friends rather than the actual friend (we knew our place), and she said “animal pictures on Facebook.”* If you thought these people didn’t like my answer, you should have seen them after this! They were imagining running into her on the streets and telling their respective dogs to “Sic her! Sic her, Melonball!”

*I did not include this below, but I also don’t really look at animal pictures on Facebook. I realize I am a total asshole for saying that I don’t care that much about pictures of your pets, but you should know that I don’t expect you to care about pictures of my kid. So let’s just put that out there and move on with our lives. Although I do like the combination of kids AND pets because they’re like little friends and that’s funny.

Girl and her dog

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What Was I Doing in the Early 2000’s?

13 Apr

2000 MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS

Ever since Gilmore Girls was added to Netflix a few months ago, I’ve been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls. Not only do I love the show, but it has made me reminisce about some of the most formative years of my life – the early 2000’s. Every critical scene includes the soundtrack of a song that narrated my late teens and early twenties. Something pivotal will happen to Rory and I’ll think, “Oh, I remember driving around listening to this song with [insert name of good friend I’m still good friends with because I live within miles of most of my best friends in the city I grew up in. Cuz that’s how we roll up in the MN!].” Or there will be some random pop culture reference to something or someone I haven’t thought about in 15 years (that’s some sad math I just did). They also make living in a teeny tiny town and drinking coffee in the same diner every day seem so appealing, but that’s a completely different blog post for another time.

Gilmore Girls coffee 1Gilmore Girls coffee 2

We know that Rory was watching movies with Dean, or listening to music with Lane, or having the most amazing mother/daughter relationship with her cool, fast talking mother. But here’s the important question you should be asking – what was I doing in the early 2000’s??? (I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about me. Stop being such an egomaniac. It’s really unattractive).

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This Is Why “Birdman” Deserved the Oscar…That It Won.

12 Mar

birdman

It might seem silly to defend why a movie should win an award that it has already won, but I’m just much better at defending things that people already like. I tried writing a post in defense of getting your car towed in the winter, but the only thing I could think of was that you get to meet new people at the tow lot.

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“Boyhood”: A Great Excuse To Cry In Public, If That’s Your Thing.

14 Aug

boyhood3

My husband and I finally got out to a movie a few weekends ago. Not to be braggy, but we’ve gone to three movies this year. Our record since having a kid was one movie a year, so I’m proud to say that we’ve tripled our average since 2013. Of the three movies, Boyhood is the only one that has inspired me to say words about it. But if you’re curious, here are my two sentence reviews of the other movies we saw:

Gravity – I was hoping that once she detached from George Clooney that Sandra Bullock would just wander aimlessly through space, probably ending in her space demise, and it would be kind of an Open Water psychological thriller type situation. Instead, a lot of unrealistic satellite hopping occurred, and she lived.

Grand Budapest Hotel – I thought this movie was great, but I’ve already talked up Wes Anderson enough, so there wasn’t much more to say. It was just about as Wes Anderson as you can get – that is something I could say.

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My Thoughts On The Movie “Her” In Four Thought-Provoking Chapters

18 Jul

HER

Chapter 1: This Movie Seems Right Up My Alley

As one of my favorite movie characters of all-time, Maria Von Trapp, would say: let’s start at the very beginning. Here is the trailer for Her that changed my life (okay, this trailer didn’t at all change my life, it just made me want to see the movie. I felt like it required an unreasonably large build up, for some reason):

It’s not the most action-packed trailer of all-time, but it still made me pretty excited, and here’s why – first of all, Joaquin Phoenix is confusing and delightful and talented. I would call him, confusingly talented in a delightful manner, in fact. Second, the trailer has a hip indie music soundtrack that made me feel like just by watching it, my Klout score will skyrocket. (I checked my Klout score once, and I think it was at a 3 or something, so you can really only go up from there). Lastly, it’s about being in love with a computer so much that you take it out on dates and spin around in a romantic daze in public. That looks so nice!

Her at the fair

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“Saving Mr. Banks” Didn’t Get Nominated for Best Picture? What the Damn Hell.

10 Feb

Mary Poppins

I don’t get out much, as most of you know, and I certainly never get to go to movies. But once a year, a movie comes out that is not optional to miss, and Saving Mr. Banks was that movie of 2013 for me. You might think that I have a slight bias towards Saving Mr. Banks because it is about the making of Mary Poppins, which is a movie starring Julie Andrews, a woman I love and am obsessed with, but I’m here to set the record straight – I am biased, yes. But despite my underlying Julie Andrews agenda drawing me in to see it, Saving Mr. Banks is really a fabulous movie. And although some of the highlights for me were the 2 minute glimpses of Mary Poppins that show Julie Andrews, there are objectively a million other amazing scenes in Saving Mr. Banks that make it definitely worth seeing for those of you that aren’t quite as…unstable as me, in the Julie Andrews section of your brain. Not only do I think the movie is very good, but I also think it is asinine (that’s right, Academy, I said ASININE) that Saving Mr. Banks is not nominated for Best Picture. Or that Emma Thompson wasn’t nominated as Best Actress! It boggles my mind. I mean, Meryl Streep and Judi Dench? Never heard of em. Amy Adams? Seriously? Cate Blanchett? I couldn’t pick her out of a line-up. And do not even get me started about Sandra Bullock. Oh my god.

Oh, I'm not nominated? Well, that's hilariously charming and ASININE.

Oh, I’m not nominated? Well, that’s hilariously charming and ASININE.

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“Drinking Buddies”: The Only Time Olivia Wilde Has Ever Been Rejected.

24 Jan

Drinking Buddies

My husband claims that whenever his family had a movie night when he was a little boy, he was always out-voted and never able to choose what they would watch. Instead of a double feature of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Karate Kid, Part II, he was probably forced to watch Pretty In Pink or Pride and Prejudice. Dan referred to this genre as “Hello, how are you” movies. What that means is that they just talk and talk and talk and there’s no action, which is pretty boring for an 8 year old boy (and a huge injustice that he will tell you all about, if you ask him).

I bet his expression looked like this.

I bet his expression looked like this.

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