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All The Things You Love That I Hate

14 Jul

This is going to be the most controversial post I ever write. I may even lose readers (and there’s only 6, so that’s rough). A few years ago when my husband and I were at his college reunion, a large group of us went out to breakfast after a long night of drinking (and by drinking, I mean I had water because I was pregnant, but everyone else had a hell of a time drinking non-water drinks). At one point, one of the girls said we should go around the table and each say something that we think is overrated, but is beloved by everyone else. Everyone’s answers were pretty tame, like the Beatles and Arrested Development. When it got to me, I said the first thing that popped into my mind, which was the movie The Princess Bride. You would think that I had just run over a small puppy and was wearing it as a hat – that is how disappointed everyone looked. I quickly tried to move the conversation on, and a couple people later was my friend Amy, who was also the wife of one of the college friends rather than the actual friend (we knew our place), and she said “animal pictures on Facebook.”* If you thought these people didn’t like my answer, you should have seen them after this! They were imagining running into her on the streets and telling their respective dogs to “Sic her! Sic her, Melonball!”

*I did not include this below, but I also don’t really look at animal pictures on Facebook. I realize I am a total asshole for saying that I don’t care that much about pictures of your pets, but you should know that I don’t expect you to care about pictures of my kid. So let’s just put that out there and move on with our lives. Although I do like the combination of kids AND pets because they’re like little friends and that’s funny.

Girl and her dog

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What Was I Doing in the Early 2000’s?

13 Apr

2000 MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS

Ever since Gilmore Girls was added to Netflix a few months ago, I’ve been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls. Not only do I love the show, but it has made me reminisce about some of the most formative years of my life – the early 2000’s. Every critical scene includes the soundtrack of a song that narrated my late teens and early twenties. Something pivotal will happen to Rory and I’ll think, “Oh, I remember driving around listening to this song with [insert name of good friend I’m still good friends with because I live within miles of most of my best friends in the city I grew up in. Cuz that’s how we roll up in the MN!].” Or there will be some random pop culture reference to something or someone I haven’t thought about in 15 years (that’s some sad math I just did). They also make living in a teeny tiny town and drinking coffee in the same diner every day seem so appealing, but that’s a completely different blog post for another time.

Gilmore Girls coffee 1Gilmore Girls coffee 2

We know that Rory was watching movies with Dean, or listening to music with Lane, or having the most amazing mother/daughter relationship with her cool, fast talking mother. But here’s the important question you should be asking – what was I doing in the early 2000’s??? (I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about me. Stop being such an egomaniac. It’s really unattractive).

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This Is Why “Birdman” Deserved the Oscar…That It Won.

12 Mar

birdman

It might seem silly to defend why a movie should win an award that it has already won, but I’m just much better at defending things that people already like. I tried writing a post in defense of getting your car towed in the winter, but the only thing I could think of was that you get to meet new people at the tow lot.

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“Boyhood”: A Great Excuse To Cry In Public, If That’s Your Thing.

14 Aug

boyhood3

My husband and I finally got out to a movie a few weekends ago. Not to be braggy, but we’ve gone to three movies this year. Our record since having a kid was one movie a year, so I’m proud to say that we’ve tripled our average since 2013. Of the three movies, Boyhood is the only one that has inspired me to say words about it. But if you’re curious, here are my two sentence reviews of the other movies we saw:

Gravity – I was hoping that once she detached from George Clooney that Sandra Bullock would just wander aimlessly through space, probably ending in her space demise, and it would be kind of an Open Water psychological thriller type situation. Instead, a lot of unrealistic satellite hopping occurred, and she lived.

Grand Budapest Hotel – I thought this movie was great, but I’ve already talked up Wes Anderson enough, so there wasn’t much more to say. It was just about as Wes Anderson as you can get – that is something I could say.

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My Thoughts On The Movie “Her” In Four Thought-Provoking Chapters

18 Jul

HER

Chapter 1: This Movie Seems Right Up My Alley

As one of my favorite movie characters of all-time, Maria Von Trapp, would say: let’s start at the very beginning. Here is the trailer for Her that changed my life (okay, this trailer didn’t at all change my life, it just made me want to see the movie. I felt like it required an unreasonably large build up, for some reason):

It’s not the most action-packed trailer of all-time, but it still made me pretty excited, and here’s why – first of all, Joaquin Phoenix is confusing and delightful and talented. I would call him, confusingly talented in a delightful manner, in fact. Second, the trailer has a hip indie music soundtrack that made me feel like just by watching it, my Klout score will skyrocket. (I checked my Klout score once, and I think it was at a 3 or something, so you can really only go up from there). Lastly, it’s about being in love with a computer so much that you take it out on dates and spin around in a romantic daze in public. That looks so nice!

Her at the fair

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“Saving Mr. Banks” Didn’t Get Nominated for Best Picture? What the Damn Hell.

10 Feb

Mary Poppins

I don’t get out much, as most of you know, and I certainly never get to go to movies. But once a year, a movie comes out that is not optional to miss, and Saving Mr. Banks was that movie of 2013 for me. You might think that I have a slight bias towards Saving Mr. Banks because it is about the making of Mary Poppins, which is a movie starring Julie Andrews, a woman I love and am obsessed with, but I’m here to set the record straight – I am biased, yes. But despite my underlying Julie Andrews agenda drawing me in to see it, Saving Mr. Banks is really a fabulous movie. And although some of the highlights for me were the 2 minute glimpses of Mary Poppins that show Julie Andrews, there are objectively a million other amazing scenes in Saving Mr. Banks that make it definitely worth seeing for those of you that aren’t quite as…unstable as me, in the Julie Andrews section of your brain. Not only do I think the movie is very good, but I also think it is asinine (that’s right, Academy, I said ASININE) that Saving Mr. Banks is not nominated for Best Picture. Or that Emma Thompson wasn’t nominated as Best Actress! It boggles my mind. I mean, Meryl Streep and Judi Dench? Never heard of em. Amy Adams? Seriously? Cate Blanchett? I couldn’t pick her out of a line-up. And do not even get me started about Sandra Bullock. Oh my god.

Oh, I'm not nominated? Well, that's hilariously charming and ASININE.

Oh, I’m not nominated? Well, that’s hilariously charming and ASININE.

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“Drinking Buddies”: The Only Time Olivia Wilde Has Ever Been Rejected.

24 Jan

Drinking Buddies

My husband claims that whenever his family had a movie night when he was a little boy, he was always out-voted and never able to choose what they would watch. Instead of a double feature of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Karate Kid, Part II, he was probably forced to watch Pretty In Pink or Pride and Prejudice. Dan referred to this genre as “Hello, how are you” movies. What that means is that they just talk and talk and talk and there’s no action, which is pretty boring for an 8 year old boy (and a huge injustice that he will tell you all about, if you ask him).

I bet his expression looked like this.

I bet his expression looked like this.

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My Desperate Attempt to Channel Warm Weather

26 Apr

Posted by: Alex

This is what its come to.

I should begin this post by saying that for those of you reading this in any state other than Minnesota, you will find what I am writing to be inane. You may be thinking, “channel warm weather, you say? Why, I live in New York and we’ve had warm weather for weeks now!” First of all, stop talking like you are a character on New York’s version of Downton Abbey. Second of all, screw you! I live in Minnesota and it has been one f-ed up winter. And I am saying that as a person who loves the seasons and is meant to live in Minnesota. I am one of those people that goes along with the collective complaining because I don’t want to be left out of the fun (sidenote: this reminds me of Barney Stinson’s motivational office poster on How I Met Your Mother that says: ‘Conformity: it’s the one who is different that gets left out in the cold’), but inside I think the snow is really pretty and it doesn’t annoy me at all. And I like cold rainy days because then I can sit inside and not feel like I should be doing anything else. Forced laziness is my jam.

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Look at me, the fancy pants who watches documentaries.

12 Apr

Posted by: Alex

Marina

I don’t have much patience for a lot of things: shopping; animal videos; other people’s travel photos (unless they are of a person drunk, doing dumb stuff. Otherwise, I don’t need to see 17 photos of that tree you thought was life changing); student loan customer service representatives; paying attention in meetings; descriptive words in fictional writing (“The wind is the smell of my great grandmother’s favorite perfume before the war and it feels as cold as a popsicle I ate after I almost got hit by a car when I was 8.” So…it’s windy). Just to name a few. Something that shocks and disappoints people about me (read: my husband) is that I have very little patience for movies. This was not always my lot in life. Once upon a time, I would watch any movie at any time. I once watched Sneakers two times in a row, just for fun. This situation would LITERALLY never happen today (actually maybe it would. Sneakers is such a good movie). Once I hit my late 20’s, something in me changed. My attention span became shorter and shorter and I started getting resentful of the hours spent watching a movie I didn’t like, which was 99% of them. On top of my anger, I actually stopped being able to pay attention. I would drift off and start thinking about what I need to do or what I want to eat for dinner (which, to be fair, I think about all day, anyway), and I would miss major plotlines. I often will get to the end of a movie and have no idea what the conflict was or the name of any character. I’m on season 3 of Parenthood and I still call Lauren Graham’s character “Lorelai Gilmore” because I don’t know her name. None of these are things I’m proud of, but it’s who I am and I accept it.

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Silver Linings Playbook is Full of Silver Linings…would be an awesome title for this post.

4 Jan

Posted by: Alex

Happy new year, everyone! My new year’s resolution for 2013 is to accept compliments better. So, before you even tell me how great this post is, and how pretty you think I look today, let me just graciously say “thank you.”

As my first post of the year, I want to make it a point to show that I actually saw a movie while it is in the theaters, and I saw one that will probably be nominated for at least three Academy Awards. And I am making my prediction now that Silver Linings Playbook, while very good, will not take home any awards (I’m making this public, friends who come over to watch the Oscars and fill out our Oscar ballot, because when I win, once again, you’ll know I’m not cheating, which I will undoubtedly be accused of).

I would like to eat in a diner with Bradley Cooper. I mean, if he asked nicely.

I would like to eat in a diner with Bradley Cooper. I mean, if he asked nicely.

One thing I’ve learned about myself over the last couple of years is that I have certain genres of television and movies that I like, and I make no time for the others. I like comedies, the darker the better, because I like to laugh and be jovial, but I prefer my comedy smart. Unless you’re the movie Old School, which is one of the best movies ever made. Vince Vaughn doesn’t even have to speak and I am rolling on the floor laughing (sorry, young people – ROTF). If a documentary is made about any topic, I will find it interesting. Add some dramatic music and narration, and you could be telling me about how to fold a box and I will be convinced it’s of critical importance. And I will typically watch dramas in only two forms – political (ideally, based on real-life events. I was as excited for Frost/Nixon as some people are for The Hobbit) or psychological. I guess I like movies about people more dysfunctional than myself because they make me feel normal. That’s where Silver Linings Playbook comes in.

I have chills!

I have chills!

I don’t think I’ll be giving much away in the following paragraphs, so feel free to read on if you’re planning on seeing this movie. Unless basic plot counts as a spoiler, then SPOILER ALERT!!! BASIC PLOT WILL BE DISCUSSED!!! I’m just trying to cover my bases. If you opt to stop here, I’ll take the fact that you’ve read this far as a compliment. Thank you.

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