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Tina! Amy! Clooney! The kid from “Annie!” It’s the Golden Globes!

12 Jan

Tina and Amy Golden Globes-lg

– It’s the Golden Globes! The awards ceremony when we not only honor film and television, but we watch celebrities drink endless free champagne! I love this sacred evening.

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2014 Emmy Awards! I Have Thoughts!

25 Aug

– First question – why am I watching the Emmys on a Monday?

– Second question – when will Beyonce come out to prove that she and Jay Z are happy? And why hasn’t it happened yet?

blue-ivy-yay-mommy-clapping-adorable

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2014 Academy Awards! (Or That One Time John Travolta Messed Up Idina Menzel’s Name).

3 Mar

Ellen Oscars

– I thought that there was a large group of children behind Ellen when she was coming on stage, but it’s just a lot of fake Oscar statues. Sorry, random 3rd grade choir in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I guess this just wasn’t your year.

– Poor Liza Minnelli! She looks good! What is this, a celebrity roast, Ellen DeGeneres? Liza is a legend who should be respected.

– Wow, John Travolta has magically aged backwards by 44 years. It’s an Academy Awards miracle!

– I bet Meryl Streep always gets front row at the Oscars. Even when she’s not nominated, which I think happened once.

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Tina and Amy! Oh, and the Golden Globes.

13 Jan

Tina and Amy 2014

– Here come Amy and Tina! OMG OMG OMG! They both look like beautiful mermaids that just washed ashore from the funniest, cutest ocean.

– I love the Golden Globes because everybody is drinking champagne and looks all tipsy and relaxed. If I could go to any awards show, I would go to this one. How do I apply to be a seat filler? Because I’ll start gathering my letters of recommendation now.

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Once Again, I Watched the MTV VMA’s So You Don’t Have To.

26 Aug

Lady Gaga VMA's

8pm: Oh my god, the show just started and I’m already watching Lady Gaga coming out of some sort of nun womb. I think this is going to be a great show.

8:01pm: I totally buy into Lady Gaga’s schtick. Watching her is like watching Rocky Horror Picture Show – I think it’s amazing and unique and entertaining, but it also kind of scares me. Admit it – Gaga scares you, too.

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Academy Awards Highs and Lows

1 Mar

Oscars 2013

Posted by: Alex

When the Academy Awards started on Sunday, I was all amped up like I usually am on Oscar night. We typically host a tiny Oscar party, but this year we decided to keep it to just the two of us, as we would need to DVR the whole thing so we could pause it while we attempt to put our baby to sleep. We knew this would require approximately 400 pauses, so we chose not to host this time around. Instead, we ate Chinese take-out (we search for any excuse to have Chinese take-out in our house. “Ooh, the SAG awards are on! We should eat Chinese.” “Ooh, looks like Stassi might be an asshole again tonight on Vanderpump Rules. Guess we should eat Chinese,” etc.) and sat around in our comfies to watch the show.

I set up my computer in preparation for the funnies that would pour out of me as I watched the drama unfold. But as Seth McFarlane started his monologue, I noticed that my fingers were hunched over the keyboard, ready to type, and nothing was happening. I had nothing funny to say because I wasn’t thinking any funny thoughts. I was mostly thinking, “Huh. That is sort of amusing what he just said. I don’t think it’s hilarious or shocking, but I also don’t think it’s ridiculously stupid and embarrassing. I just think it’s fine.” And I felt that way throughout the entire broadcast. Seth McFarlane didn’t bomb the whole thing, he just kept it safe. He did enough to not be known as the next Dave Letterman (“Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma.” I actually think this joke was given a bad rap. It’s kind of amusing, if you think about it! Uma and Oprah. What kooky names. See? Is it funny now that I’ve explained it like that?), but not enough to be Billy “I’m here to save the day” Crystal. And I hope his prediction is correct that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey will host next year, because that would be maj-ah, as Victoria Beckham would say.

So instead of a play by play, I’m offering some of my highs and lows. Keep in mind that many of my lows might be your highs, and vice versa. For instance, I have a deep dislike for Anne Hathaway that stems from nowhere, and these negative feelings tend to taint everything she says and does. But some people like Anne! Like, really like her! Not even as a practical joke on me! On the other hand, I love Barbra Streisand. Some people, for some reason, do not feel the same affinity towards Babs. I get that. But keep these things in mind, going forward.

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2012 Emmy Awards – The What Alex Saw Edition

24 Sep

Posted by: Alex

7pm – The Emmy’s are starting! The only night of the year when TV actors are not overshadowed by movie stars.

7:03pmThat opening was funny! Way to kill it, Jimmy Kimmel and various delightful women of comedy. And props to Lena Dunham for being naked, as usual.

7:07pm – What’s wrong with Jon Hamm’s collar? Maybe his privates are so large that it alters the way the tops of his clothes fit?

7:11pm – Watching the year in comedy recap is like watching a slide show at a good friend’s wedding. That’s how emotional and happy it makes me.

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