I Love/Hate Valentine’s Day Mix Tapes, Volume 3

12 Feb

Valentine 2015

And the tradition lives on. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner (the corner of Saturday and Saturday), so it’s time to sit in your office and listen to a soundtrack that expresses your excitement, or impending dread, for what’s ahead. And maybe you’re just apathetic, which I can also respect. I love love, but as years go by there is one thing that makes me feel pretty ho-hum about this important national holiday – I like to celebrate anything by eating in a restaurant, and Valentine’s Day has now made it impossible for me to enjoy this simple pleasure. Everywhere you turn there is some Prix-fixe menu that looks like this:

2015 Valentine’s Day Menu

First Course

One small cube of cheddar cheese with a dot of mango chutney and two sunflower seeds

Second Course

A long slice of Bibb lettuce with an olive on one end and a crouton on the other end, just to hold it down on the plate

Third Course

Small baby bird that is still alive with an anchovy foam for dipping

$65/per person

$215/per person with wine pairing**

**We’ll pair one glass of red wine with one course of our choosing to be shared among the couple. An extra glass is $30 more per person.

Please no substitutions. Please don’t ask about dessert.

All I want is some damn free will so I can have the ability to choose what to eat off of a menu containing a plethora of options, and that simply does not exist anymore. But I guess that’s why my second best friend, take-out, exists. From the beginning of time, Chinese restaurants have never let anyone down and they will most likely continue to support me in my time of need this weekend.

No, thank YOU. No, YOU enjoy.

No, thank YOU. No, YOU enjoy.

But other than the annual February 14th restaurant debacle, I am very lucky that I have my lovely husband and best 2-year-old ever to hang out with at home. There will probably be some crying involved, but at least it will be about me touching my son’s Thomas train (I have been repeatedly ordered to stay the hell away from that Thomas train. It does not belong to my grubby hands. He is only for my child to be enjoyed. And so, of course, for this reason I always like to try to play with it), and it won’t be a self-pity sob after drinking one too many bottles of wine and watching the classic Garry Marshall flick Valentine’s Day. (For the record, I saw Valentine’s Day in the theater, and I remember it being pretty awful. But writing about it now, I really want to do that thing I said about drinking bottles of wine and watching it. Ashton Kutcher is the star, both Julia AND Emma Roberts are in it, and we get to see Taylor Swift not be good at something. That something is acting. The self-pity part just comes with the territory, so that’s fine too).

So whether you are enjoying your Bibb lettuce slice on Saturday night with your significant other, eating a heart-shaped pizza and watching a good movie with your bestie, downing a bottle of Jack Daniels alone while playing Dave Matthews Band songs on your guitar, or just going about your business like it’s any other day, hopefully these little soundtracks will make it even more pleasant. The first one is for the lovers of love, and the second is for the haters of love. I personally like a little bit of both.

Also, you should thank your lucky stars that Taylor Swift isn’t on Spotify, otherwise both of these playlists would just be her new album.





2 Responses to “I Love/Hate Valentine’s Day Mix Tapes, Volume 3”

  1. Emily February 12, 2015 at 10:29 am #

    Fuck I love that Ryan Adams song.

    • Alex February 12, 2015 at 11:29 am #

      Fuck I do too.

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