I Had A Few Drinks and Then I Watched “The Sound of Music Live!”

5 Dec

A few notes:

* Julie Andrews is my favorite celebrity of all-time.

* Sound of Music is one of my favorite movies of all-time.

* I have never seen the Broadway version of TSOM, only the movie.

* I’ve had some cocktails.

Carrie Underwood TSOM

– Everyone should be thanking their lucky stars that Audra McDonald is a part of this.

– What a great set! So much more real looking than the Austrian Alps! NOT! I’ve seen better shrubbery in my yard, and I have the deadest, most uncared-for shrubbery in the city.

– Carrie Underwood just almost biffed it on the hill! What if she tripped and fell in the first 5 minutes, during the most important song of the entire show?!?? I wonder if her understudy, Kellie Pickler, would have to take over.

– The nuns just walked through the place in the Abbey that the von Trapp’s will hide from the Nazis in. Good luck trying to get anything past me.

– These nuns are pretty good, actually.

– Carrie Underwood is a great actress. I hope Julie isn’t watching this because she might feel intimidated. SARCASM.

I'm worried about her too, Julie.

I’m worried about her too, Julie.

– In the Broadway version, Maria sings “My Favorite Things” to Mother Abbess? Or is this just a way to keep Audra McDonald on the screen a little longer. I’m going with that because there’s no way that Mother Abbess has ever been stung by a bee with that nun outfit on, which would make those lyrics a lie, and nuns don’t lie. SUCK IT!

– They must have people with cue cards in every single corner of every single set.

– Uh oh. The Captain is getting his whistle wet. You know what that means.

– So when a Captain loses a nanny, he can just send a telegram to a bunch of nuns on the same day and then he gets sent a hot, young nun/nanny? It’s like a creepy Craiglist ad writer’s dream!

– Where is “I Have Confidence”?! This is blasphemy.

"Please, Mother. Please don't make Alex angry."

“Please, Mother. Please don’t make Alex angry.”

– The poor actually would want that dress, Maria. But nice try, Hollywood costume designers.

– Here come the children! Yes! Oh, you naughty little book reader. Get in line!

Kurt looks like a chubby little girl.

– Maria has a mic taped down the back of her neck. I will now be obsessed with it.

– The governess saying “we’ll just be friends” while creepily touching Liesl’s shoulder and giving her a weird look is not what you want to happen, as a parent.

– The kids are already learning to sing?? They haven’t even known Maria for 5 minutes! Isn’t that a little fast for them to become a singing group and to bond over their love of a good scale?

– Stop almost laughing, Kurt. I’ve got my eye on you. And I’m sorry your mom is probably standing off stage reminding you to smile, and counting the money you’re earning for her, all at the same time.

– Shouldn’t Maria worry about things like: Where is my room? Is the Captain going to assault me? Should I learn the security code for the alarm? Instead, she’s just singing away.

– Here comes the high note! You nailed it, Carrie, I’ll give you that. Not with as much confidence as Julie, but that’s to be expected.

Look at her. You can't top this.

Look at her. You can’t top this.

– This commercial for the family of 1 million kids is horrific.

– And we’re back on the nasty hill. Oh, Liesl. Don’t fall for the Nazi. He’s just a mailman who hates Jews. It sounds impressive, but it’s really not that hard to come by.

– Rolf’s dimpled chin is telling me that this actor has also played Gaston in the Broadway version of Beauty and the Beast. If I’m wrong, I owe each of you a dollar.

I am so right.

I am so right.

– WHERE THE HELL IS THE GAZEBO.

– Liesl is a pretty good dancer. I am impressed with her, so far. Except that she’s really bad at finding Rolf when he’s just hiding right behind a fairly small tree.

– Uh oh. Maria’s eyeing those curtains pretty good.

– Spotlight! Spotlight on Liesl, lighting people!

– These little kids are kind of cute. I will admit that. Except Kurt. Kurt makes me so uncomfortable.

– Um, so “The Lonely Goatherd” has no puppet show? And why would you sing this instead of “My Favorite Things” when you’re scared? This is some bullshit.

– Just invite everyone to the party for the Baroness! Both your friends AND the Nazis will probably be pretty fun if you offer some good apps and a themed martini.

– I’ve never heard the song they’re singing and that is making me so angry.

– This Captain is so aggressive. Christopher Plummer had a quiet anger about him, but this guy just yells. And he’s so disgusted by his children! That part I get.

– “Louisa just wants to have a good time.” Is that the real line? What does that mean? She just wants to have a few drinks before bedtime?

– Kurt seems to be sweating profusely. Someone should give him a quick blot. Like maybe his mom.

– I just asked Dan if he’s ever seen TSOM and he laughed hysterically and said I’ve made him watch it 3 or 4 times, including going to a TSOM Sing-a-long. I guess I forgot.

– The Captain and Maria are dancing, which is my favorite part of the movie. This scene in the movie is so hot with all the folk dancing and the eyes and the touching. Shivers!

– “One time Julie Andrews took a shit and it was more talented than this lady.” Dan trying to make me love him more. And it’s working.

– Brigitta, keep the Baroness’s name out yo mouth.

– In this version, Brigitta, the 10 year old, is telling Maria about the Captain’s love for her? And that’s what scares Maria away? Seriously.

“So Long, Farewell.” Oh, hell yeah. This is my jam.

– Liesl was supposed to take the champagne and say “yes?” But instead she said “no?” Oh god, Liesl. I am mortified for you. And Gretl needs some singing lessons if she wants a career in musical theater.

– And once again, thank the lucky stars for Audra McDonald.

You're welcome, Carrie. Stop hugging me now.

You’re welcome, Carrie. Stop hugging me now.

– I think the girl who is playing Louisa is in her late 30’s.

– Kurt has the voice of an angel. And the same expression on his face that Robert Smith made in his 1980’s Cure videos.

Robert Smith

– This version makes me feel so bad for the Baroness. I don’t think that is at all the goal.

– The chemistry between Maria and the Captain is explosive! SARCASM.

– That kiss was kind of hot, though.

– I LOVE the song “Something Good.” Don’t screw this up for me, Carrie. Belt it like it’s Idol, girl. Prove to Simon that you should be here one more week.

– Okay, I don’t mean to be dramatic, but the amount of beauty that is on screen when Julie Andrews gets married to the Captain makes me want to cry. But this cheap Kohl’s wedding dress they have Carrie Underwood in is totally making up for that. Totally.

– Someone’s going to lose their V-card to the Captain tonight! Holla!

– This Nazi really wants a free show.

– Boy, all of these swastikas seem like a bit much. I think just one would give me the idea.

– How does Max have the results before the von Trapp’s have even performed? Couldn’t he have killed a little time by NOT having the results so quickly? Why didn’t anyone let me look over the script?

– Gretl, shut the hell up. There is no need for outside playground voice when you’re being chased by the Nazis. Especially Gaston, because he’s so full of himself.

– There is LITERALLY no way that the guards wouldn’t have seen the von Trapp’s at the Abbey. This isn’t Harry Potter, guys. No one’s wearing an invisibility cloak. Man, don’t you wish you could wear an invisibility cloak sometimes? I would sneak into my favorite pizza places and steal toppings.

– Carrie is going to climb this mountain, all the way to the nearest bar.

– Way to go, Carrie. This was extremely difficult, and you did your best. And hey, if the critics are tough on you:

Maria and Liesl.com-233256

9 Responses to “I Had A Few Drinks and Then I Watched “The Sound of Music Live!””

  1. Emily Fess December 6, 2013 at 10:56 am #

    – The Captain and Maria are dancing, which is my favorite part of the movie. This scene in the movie is so hot with all the folk dancing and the eyes and the touching. Shivers!

    I also love the scene where the Captain and Maria stare at each other longingly over the puppet show.

    • athed December 6, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

      I LOVE the puppet show longing! I also love when the Captain is singing for the first time and he glances at Maria. Goosebumps.

  2. Maddy December 6, 2013 at 11:10 am #

    It is official. Quit your day job. Review TV every morning for us. I already imagine what you would say, so you might as well go ahead and do it. Every. Day.

    • athed December 6, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

      That’s my dream!!!

  3. Aunt Robin December 6, 2013 at 12:45 pm #

    Alex, we have something in common. I was 16 going on 17 when the movie version came out and it by far one of my favorite movies along with Julie Andrews. Sometimes Hollywood likes to ruin a good thing.

    • athed December 6, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

      Do you think Julie watched this? I think she did.

  4. Rita Itzkowitz December 6, 2013 at 11:41 pm #

    Alex I agree with most of things that you wrote and thank you for it. My problem was with the orchestra. It was too loud for the singers and I couldn’t understand who was singing at times or hear their words. I only heard Steven Moyer’s voice when he sang with only a guitar. Even though Audra McDonald has the vocal chops, the song is set very low and even she got lost with the heavy orchestra. Carrie is not an actress and I hope I don’t have to see her do this kind of thing again. She wasn’t awful but she wasn’t Julie!

    • athed December 8, 2013 at 3:18 pm #

      I agree! Way too loud!

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