An Open Letter to Liz Lemon

30 Jan

Posted by: Alex

Liz lemon high fiving

Dear Liz Lemon,

First of all, let me just make it clear that I know you’re not real. You are a character created by Tina Fey, my comedic hero. On the eve of the 30 Rock series finale, I am beginning to feel nostalgic about one of my favorite television shows of all time. I will miss the unbelievably witty one-liners and references. I will miss the brilliant delivery by Alec Baldwin and the absurdity of Tracy Jordan. I’ll even miss Lutz. But the person I’ll miss most is my favorite television character of all time, Liz Lemon.

Liz Lemon I want to go to there

Over the years I’ve often felt that Tina Fey is my kindred spirit. I’ve adored her since her Weekend Update days on SNL all the way through Bossypants, her comedic autobiography (which I highly suggest reading and listening to on tape. Does anybody really listen to books on tape? No. They should be called books on CD. But I digress). And every time you said a line, Liz, that made me literally fall on the floor laughing because it is exactly something I would say or do, I would think about Tina Fey and how we’re the same person. But here’s what has dawned on me recently – Tina may not feel that the highest form of intimacy with a partner is watching television together. Tina might not have tried to get out of jury duty by dressing up as Princess Leia. Tina would probably not write to a Doritos executive to see if they’d be willing to make the powder on the chips into a separate product that can be poured on other foods like chicken and vegetables. Tina may not have actually done or felt these things, but you did, Liz Lemon. You did. And that’s why I need to start giving credit where credit is due – Liz Lemon, you are my true kindred spirit.

Liz Lemon free cable

Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Remember when you wrote the guidebook to dating, entitled Dealbreakers? It contained advice such as, “If your man owns a diamond necklace that says ‘Open Marriage,’ that’s a dealbreaker.”

liz lemon interaction with a man

And then remember when your book was made into a talk show and you tried to film the opening credits? What you didn’t know, Liz, was that I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. You forgot how to wave like a person and how to blow a kiss. You were the most painfully awkward version of a human being that could exist and it put me at ease.

Remember when Jack convinced you to travel in his place by telling you that in first class you’ll get popcorn on the plane? That coined the term “I want to go to there,” which I now say on a very regular basis. And then you thought you were sitting next to Oprah and you opened up your heart to her, but it turns out you had taken too many pills, and it was actually a little kid you were talking to? Remember when you got drunk and repeatedly drunk dialed the co-op board who hadn’t responded about your bid on a condo? I do. I remember all of these memories, Liz. And I treasure them as if they were my own.

Often times it blows my mind how alike we are. For instance, I despise the word ‘lovers.’ Here’s what you have to say about that: “Lovers..oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” You’re very loyal: “Hey, I don’t bail. I am still watching ‘Smash.’” You love awards shows: “I trust award shows. They tell me how much to care about different dead people.” You have a difficult time getting in touch with your femininity: “Man, do my feet hurt in heels sometimes…and other things women talk about.” Shopping for clothes is your nightmare: “Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a papsmear from an old male doctor.” We’d both make terrible prostitutes: “Hey, wanna party? It’s $1,000 for kissing, $10,000 for snuggling. End of list.

I’m not fooling myself into thinking that these feelings are reciprocated, Liz, for you do not know me. You, in fact, don’t know anyone outside of TGS because you are fictional. But I felt compelled to write you this letter because you have truly meant a great deal to me over the last 7 years. Being a woman, I’ve found it difficult to find female characters in the media that I can relate to. I’m either not girly enough, way too girly, not smart enough, too sarcastic, etc. But then I met you, Liz. You have my dream job as a comedy writer; you’re more interested in what you’re having for lunch than what you should wear to work; you’d rather stay home and watch reality television than go to a party; you’re smart and witty, but not pretentious; you treat your weekly planner like some might treat the Bible; You’re your own person and you just want to sit in peace and eat your sandwich. You have uttered words that I had no idea another person in the world, other than myself, would say. And, most importantly, you have made me belly laugh week after week for 7 years, and I appreciate that.

I think this is a good time for your show to end, Liz. The plot lines are getting a little weaker and it’s always good to end on top. With that said, I will miss your wit and your thoughts and I wish that I could watch you be a mom, since I am one now. I have a feeling that our parenting styles would be quite similar. I will miss you, Liz, but we’ll always have your never-ending syndication on TBS.

Here’s to you, Liz Lemon.

8 Responses to “An Open Letter to Liz Lemon”

  1. mthep January 30, 2013 at 9:42 am #

    i love this. i love liz. i love tina. and i miss this show already 😦

  2. Grisha January 30, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    I’m very sad now. When HIMYM ends, I will have no comedies left to watch. Goodbye 30ROCK, you were awesome.

    • suddenlyissoon January 31, 2013 at 6:15 am #

      You should watch Parks & Recreation.

      • mthep February 5, 2013 at 10:19 pm #

        parks and recreation is my jam! i have internal panic attacks when i think about how some day it will end.

  3. broadcouching February 6, 2013 at 2:16 am #

    I also love Parks and Rec. Ron Swanson is maybe my second favorite character on television.

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