Married to Jonas Made Me Sad

23 Aug

You may think that the sad part about “Married to Jonas” was when I sat down and watched “Married to Jonas.” You would be wrong. I secretly like the Jonas Brothers. Nick is the talented one, Joe is the cute one, and Kevin is the…guitar player. I was under the impression that this show would give me a glimpse into the lives of some cute newlyweds and a once popular boy band. There are some tweens out there that would literally stab me in the face for saying they were “once popular” but I’m just being honest. And luckily, tweens don’t read this. Even though they’re clearly my kind of people, so they should.

This is me on the inside.

Although we do get to see the Jo-Bros (that’s what they’re called, don’t worry about it) in their natural habitat, the show’s focus is on Kevin and his new wife, Danielle Deleasa. He is a Jersey-born rock star (with a slightly inflated ego), and she is a Jersey-born Italian hairstylist (who is sweetly endearing). What made me sad about this show was not the fact that horny Kevin kept trying to get with Danielle for the sake of the cameras (although that sufficiently grossed me out, time and time again). No, it was the fact that the quiet, sweet Danielle cannot seem to find her place in the Jonas clan. Although Danielle’s family is loud and outspoken, they’re her family and she feels comfortable and at ease with them. The Jonas clan, who are subdued and polite like Danielle is, make her utterly nervous and she seems to shut down and stay quiet so as not to say anything wrong in front of the overbearing and ridiculous Jonas mother.

Look at Mother Jonas trying to edge out Danielle.

The worst part was when they had a FAMILY DISCUSSION AT THE DINNER TABLE ABOUT WHEN KEVIN AND DANIELLE SHOULD HAVE A BABY. If any of my family members, in-laws or not, felt like they could tell me when having a baby would work for their schedules, I would lose my shit. Danielle lost it on the inside and then yelled at Kevin later. Kevin did not at all understand why Danielle found this problematic. He was all, “but you know we need to go on a  comeback tour!” and she was all “I have dreams, too!” and then they were all, “maybe this isn’t a good time to have a baby.” And I was all, “yeah, you think?”  (Well, I wasn’t there. That was said to myself at my house).

For a light, Kardashian-esque, E! show, I departed the 22 minutes of “Married to Jonas” feeling depressed. Where are the antics set up by the producers? Couldn’t they have created a mishap with a poodle at a poodle salon? Or make them take a lie detector test for some comical reason? That’s what I wanted out of this premier, rather than examining how an overbearing mother is going to break up her eldest son’s marriage. Although, when I see it in writing, it is kind of funny!

2 Responses to “Married to Jonas Made Me Sad”

  1. Emily Collins August 24, 2012 at 10:42 am #

    I wish you had consulted me before you and Dan decided to get pregnant right before my wedding. I mean, come on.

    • athed August 24, 2012 at 11:23 am #

      It’s one of my biggest regrets.

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